


Fill the Void

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Explicit Language, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Melodrama, Trans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-05 22:59:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I feel like that hole inside me – this void I was born with within me – has been filled.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fill the Void

**Author's Note:**

  * For [assholekyo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=assholekyo).



> Prompt[s]: Toshiya as FtM post T, pre-op  
> Comments: for assholekyo  
> Beta Readers: gothic_hime  
> Song[s]: " Xerces" by Deftones

Kyo’s POV

It’s something I can’t quite explain, a feeling that grows deep inside me and refuses to drown in this shell I call a body. It runs through my veins as if it were the blood that keeps me alive, seeps into every single pore of my body like a toxin, seeking to change me. It has grown vice grips on my heart, squeezing and refusing to let go, forcing me to love when I have never known love before. It is the bloody tears streaking down my face from the gouged-out eyeballs of my soul.

But every single time I see him, I feel like that hole inside me – this void I was born with within me – has been filled. All it takes is for him to pass before my field of vision, just to walk past me and my breath sticks inside my chest, unwilling to vacate so that I may take in the next revitalizing breath. With each touch comes the chill of an Arctic breeze followed by the heat of the Sahara. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Each moment a novel concept, and yet the very same as the last moment with him in my presence.

If nothing else, it keeps it new in my mind, even if my heart knows this feeling by now. It’s like a ride at the amusement park of life. All the ups and downs, the spinning rounds, and you just cling to the rails in hopes that you won’t go flying off to your certain death. Maybe the best part is that I know it’s the very same for him. Each time I look into those gorgeous eyes, I see the same emotions reflected back at me. The excitement, the fear, the love, and even the pain. Somehow, we can share it all and understand that nothing is perfect and yet… it is. Together, we are both the most incredible thing on the planet and the most destructive force since the atom bomb.

Even now, as I watch him pace past me for the umpteenth time tonight, all I can see is grace and resolve. I know he’s irritable and that negative emotions are swarming just beneath the surface. But to me, he is gorgeous and alluring, even in his anger. He pivots, turning around to come back in front of me and I notice the gentle sway of his breasts beneath his shirt. I always find that the slightest bit more arousing than I should, given that he’s… well… _he_. But I suppose you come to love all parts of your lover, no matter what they are, even if it’s not what God should have given them.

He stalks in front of me and I reach out, grasping his arm this time. “Toshiya, you’ll wear a hole in the fucking rug.” His eyes snap down to my hand holding just above his elbow and then up to my face, the fire in them flaring brighter for a moment before settling off to a dull burn. My lips quirk up in a slight smirk. “C’mon, let me help you work your frustration off in another way.” It’s the words I know I’ve used too often, but he’s never once seemed to mind when I do it.

Tonight is no exception, he turns to fully face me, brushing my hand off his arm. He reaches for the hem of his shirt, lifting it and then tossing it aside, revealing those gorgeous breasts to my gaze. Immediately my hands are upon them, gently palming and lifting, lightly kneading the flesh of those two perfect globes. He sighs and dramatically rolls his eyes at me, knowing my fascination is almost ridiculous, for supposedly I’m not into women at all, and yet… for whatever reason, breasts on him are amazingly arousing.

He puts up with it for a few moments while he removes his pants. But once he’s done, he swats my hands away and kneels down between my legs, unfastening my belt and unzipping my jeans. I let him do whatever he wants, knowing the reward will be significant in the end. A shiver rips through my body and my breath huffs out as he leans in and takes my cock in his oh-so-talented mouth. My hand goes to his head, gently pressing him down, fingers curling in those dirty blonde locks. He does the most amazing things to me, his tongue working in inhuman ways over my rapidly growing length.

I let out a loud groan and he pops up off my cock, smirking at me with those ridiculously crooked – and yet adorable – teeth of his. At my look of frustration, he laughs, pushing his hair back behind his ears as he stands up, shifting in closer to me and then straddling my lap. I reach into my pocket and hand him the condom I keep there for just such an occasion. As he unwraps it, I reach down between his legs, running my finger along the wet folds I find there. He lets out a hiss and smacks the side of my arm, giving me a sharp look. I just smirk and him and then take his engorged clit between my now-slick fingers, slowly jerking it off like I would to a full cock, giving him his fantasy and hopefully his one-day reality.

He groans and pushes toward me, eager to feel what I’m doing to him. It’s amazing what testosterone can do for a person’s body, the way it changes someone.

It takes him a few moments before he can finally get a grip on himself and reach down, rolling the condom down over my dick. Lube from the table beside my couch comes next, slicking me up real well. I give him a look that he knows exactly what it means and he reaches back with one hand, starting to prep himself for me, the other hand holding tight onto my shoulder so he doesn’t fall over. My fingers continue their work on his little cock, stroking him in just the way I know he likes.

It’s not but a few more moments later that he lets out a sharp cry, bucking up against me, his fingers squeezing hard at my shoulder as shudders wrack his body. I’ve made him cum for me with hardly any effort at all and it’s the best fucking thing on this planet. Having a sensitive lover is one of the best gifts a man can ever have, if you ask me.

He shifts over me, pulling his fingers free and grasping my dick, steadying it as he slowly sinks down on it. The tightness and the heat are nothing short of amazing. I roll my eyes back in my head and arch up a bit to help things along. Once I’m fully inside, he reaches to hold onto both my shoulders, straightening up and then starting to raise and lower himself on my lap. At first, he’s almost achingly slow, but he gets faster and faster, his eyes never leaving my own, gauging his actions off my reactions.

My hands wander his body, feeling his breasts again and then sliding down slender hips and across powerful thighs. At long last, I venture back to my main target, grasping that little cock once again and going at it with a relative vengeance, determined to work him up into a frenzy. It works immediately and quite well. He loses all sense of rhythm, starting to buck wildly on my lap, giving me the ride of a fucking lifetime. It doesn’t take long for it to work its magic on me and I lose it completely, exploding inside him with a moan worthy of any pornstar. He grabs my hand, shoving it out of the way and works himself to completion with me still inside, allowing me to feel the way his body clamps down around mine and then pulses as he orgasms.

By the time we’re both done, he’s collapsed on top of me and I’ve got my arms wrapped around him, holding him close. My lips quirk up in a semblance of a smile, my tone teasing, “Frustration gone?”

He just laughs and shifts enough to let my cock slid out of him, settling on my lap once again and curling himself tighter against me. Maybe it’s the girly side of him that’s still there or maybe it’s because we’re just that fucking close. But whatever it is, I suppose I’ll have to label it with one simple word: love.

**The End**  



End file.
